My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
