shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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