Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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