Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Just pee around me
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
