The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
