I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
