i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
