I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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