you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
she peed on how many people?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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