I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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