So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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