I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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