so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
