Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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