I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
We're too hungover to prance.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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