dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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