my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
