Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
You are a genius and a whore.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
