I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
