I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Randomize
