i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
