oh god the rape fog is back!
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
