I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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