its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i think i have two assholes
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
