STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
