Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Randomize
