He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
