I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
