JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
