Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Randomize
