Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
