Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
