So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
