Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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