3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
