Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
