He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
