"it" just moved
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
