Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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