he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
