That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize