you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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