He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
