im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
