I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
