is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
