My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
