I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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