This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
