The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
