It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
