he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
