you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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