Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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