someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize