we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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