can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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