I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
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