I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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