yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
where are my eyebrows?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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