Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize