I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
