Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
