so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Randomize
