I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
