I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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