He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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