What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
