tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
just tell him i said nine months
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
In other news, I just burned my penis
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
